~Because nonverbal messages can be ambiguous, they are open to misinterpretation. Have you ever been wrong about the meaning of someone's nonverbal message? Describe what happened. How can people increase the accuracy with which they interpret nonverbal messages.
Nonverbal messages are taught to us as we grow up from our parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and the community that our family identifies with. With that said, each community of members will have a somewhat shared view of the meanings of nonverbal messages. Learning how to understand someone else's nonverbal messages can be in my opinion one of the most difficult things to do and causes many fights, judgments, and misunderstandings.
Yes, I have been wrong about the meaning of someone's nonverbal message and it was so frustrating when it happened, but we laugh about it today. I am from a big Italian family who greet each other with big hugs and kisses. When I met my fiance' I went to greet him and gave him a hug and proceeded to kiss him. He froze like a deer in a cars headlights and I felt like he didn't like me and for days I was left to interpret his nonverbal message. I did consider the fact that maybe he thought I was being too forward by kissing him and giving him such a big hug when I first met him, but I always fell back on the worst case senario of interpretations. I thought maybe he didn't like being hugged, I thought maybe he wasn't raised in a touchy kind of family. After a few days of agonizing assumptions I finally asked him if I had invaded his personal space, scared him, or if he just didn't like hugs. He laughed and said he didn't know how to interpret my nonverbal messages of hugging and kissing him and that he felt a bit nervous and uncomfortable. He also explained that he had talked to my cousin and found out that our Italian family greets everyone with hugs and kisses.
People can increase the accuracy with which they interpret nonverbal messages by being aware of different cultural practices, understanding that your cultural nonverbal behaviors aren't the way everyone expresses themselves, and by simply asking if their is confusion or misinterpretation.
Happy Blogging:)
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6 comments:
You suggested that people can "increase the accuracy with which they interpret nonverbal messages by being aware of different cultural practices, understanding that your cultural nonverbal behaviors aren't the way everyone expresses themselves, and by simply asking if their is confusion or misinterpretation".
You hit the nail on the head with that comment. There are so many ambiguities, and especially with the different cultures, we are left to guess and assume a lot of things which are often wrong.
The Bay Area is a mosaic of cultures and we may not realize that we are offending someone with our form of communication. If we can be more culturally aware, we will be more efficient in our communication. For example, in some Asian cultures it is considered rude to make direct eye contact whereas in Western culture, we are encouraged even as children to look directly in the eye. Without knowing someone else's custom, we may unknowingly and unintentionally offend them through our nonverbal communication.
Cherry, I thoroughly enjoyed your telling about your fiancé’s reaction to your hugging and kissing him (boyfriend at the time). Obviously, it worked! I’m also from an Italian family. My Mom’s side of the family is Italian/Greek and my father’s side of the family is Austrian/German. So, you can guess how confused I was at times. Sometimes we hugged and kissed when with my Mom’s side of the family and we didn’t hug when with my Dad’s side of the family. As a child you can’t always remember the proper etiquette, but relatives seem to forgive a child’s genuine hug and kiss, even when it’s not culturally appropriate.
I was surprised that my Daughter-in-law’s family was also not quite sure what to do, when we first met. I just gave them a hug and kiss, they seemed to take it well, however, I noticed that the men would extend their hand for a hand shake. Next, they would wrap their other arm around the other and pat each other twice on the back before ending the greeting. It’s been that way since. The few exceptions to this tamed greeting were when my Son and Daughter-In-Law got engaged, were married and when their first baby arrived. In each of these instances, my husband and Son’s Father-In-Law gave each other a huge hug! I think they forgot all cultural differences or any idea of what is proper or acceptable and gave each other a heartfelt hug. It’s amazing how there were no words spoken in these instances, it just happened!
I definitely agree that we must be aware of other’s culture in order to understand their nonverbal communication. Often times nonverbal communication does not translate in other cultures just like verbal communication. The best way to understand other people’s nonverbal communication is to ask about themselves and their cultural differences. I think many times people are afraid of talking about thing like this because it is awkward. It’s good to hear that you were able to talk to your, now, fiancé about your awkward encounter so that you could learn from each other about your differences. The more we know about each other the better we can communicate one another, verbally and nonverbally.
I totally agree with your way of greeting people! The big hug (the first time) might be too much for me, but I would definitely reach out and touch them and bring them to me for a peck on the cheek. (Man to woman). After spending time with these new friends the hugs would move over to the men as well (no kissing, most guys wouldn’t be comfortable with that).
It's interesting to watch my kids (13 and 16) with their friends. They are very "touchy" as you say. They show affection with a hug and a kiss when they say good-bye. I often hear them say, "Love you" on the phone or after being out. I asked my daughter why she was saying I love you to most of her friends. I asked if she really “loved” them. She smiled (as if I didn’t know anything) and said, "Dad, we all love each other. If you really like someone then you say, "I really like you. When you say you like some one it means more than love.” I just shook my head...
I think that it is only natural for every human being to interpret non verbal communication wrongly from time to time. I especially agree with you when you said that in order for one to accurately interpret someone’s none verbally, you should be aware of their cultural practice. I too agree with your statement because culture has a big influence on the acts of different people, we must remember that we are all different and in order to better understand those differences we should educate ourselves on their customs and beliefs before we judge.
Especially with the decade we live in as well as the multi cultures that in the bay area alone. We have so many different cultures and we need to embrace that and not judge, or look down upon someone just because they are different then us.
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